SHOULDN'T NEW COUPLES WATCH PORN FOR THE EXPERIENCE?

So, in my Christian chat group, someone asked: can couples who are virgins watch pornography to learn the art of sex? I immediately took a stand on this issue which I later flogged myself over. I considered my opinions and manner of delivery to have rather been brash, and presumptuous. The position I took killed the topic on arrival, as no other person made further useful contribution on the subject. It was my desire to make right, my wrongs that spurred me into researching into this topic. Read what I found, by Mark Chamberlain, PhD, after the cut. But first, here's what I said on the group chat:

"Do monkeys, baboons and gorillas have to watch porn in other to know how to do it? A woman isn't taught to open her legs during moments of deep petting, if touched in an intimate manner in-between her legs. The act and art of sex is innate in every animal including human beings."

 (this statement has been paraphrased)

Today's twenty-somethings have been exposed to more pornography, and research is showing that they've become more accepting of it.

I heard from a young woman the other day who didn't get why I was anti-porn. “It's a great way for my fiancé, to meet his needs when I'm not in the mood. I don't want him to keep bugging me if I'm not into it that night. And he shouldn't just have to ‘deal’ with frustration, either.”

What's not to love about porn?

It may seem helpful enough now, but I'm convinced that couples like this will pay a price for their casual acceptance of porn.

I remember when a group named Science in the Public Interest made a stink about an unhealthy, formerly unpublicized, very tasty ingredient in movie theater popcorn: Coconut oil.

Problem is it will clog our arteries for the same reason we keep going back for refills: it's loaded with the most addictive kind of fat.

Porn is like movie theater popcorn laced with heroin.

It's up to us to decide whether or not we're going to consume it, but let's at least understand what it does to us:

1. Porn ruins real sex.

The woman from the couple above said that her fiancé prefers real sex when he can have it. Unfortunately, even if he prefers flesh-and-blood sex with her now, the scale may tip as he keeps using porn.

The high of infatuation fades over time in a relationship. Why diminish attraction even more by exposing ourselves to a parade of alternative sex objects? Study after study has demonstrated that viewing pornography diminishes research subjects' attraction to and satisfaction with their real-life partners.

I see it all the time in my practice: One client knew her husband was back into porn because he never wanted to make love to her. Another client, a porn-addicted young man, found that sex with his girlfriend was only exciting when he imagined they were being filmed.

2. Porn fails to satisfy.

Prolactin is one of the feel-good chemicals that comes in like the tide after lovemaking and leaves us contented and more attached to our partner.

In a study at the University of Paisley, some subjects had sex with their partner; others masturbated to porn. Afterward, there was 400% more prolactin in the bloodstream of the subjects who had made love.

Mitch sought my help because he felt trapped by porn, and he didn't like what it was doing to his life. “I get fed up and try to stay away. But then some part of me wants to explore again. I think, ‘Okay, I'll look for a few minutes. Then I get hooked in and stay at it.

Later, looking back on the time I spent, it feels so empty. Before, when I was with a girl and the attraction was mutual, I was happy to just be with her. Life was an exciting adventure. Now, with the porn, life's just bland. I get on the computer and look something up. That's as special as it gets.”

3. Porn kills confidence.

A client complained to me: “I get a gross feeling in the morning from being so exhausted from looking at porn the night before. I'm disgusted with myself. It sets my day off on the wrong foot. I go about my business and pretend I'm fine, but inside something feels amiss.”

The other day another client concluded, “Porn has played a part in my being afraid of real women. When I can get on the computer and look at any woman, it makes me look past real women. Now, if I bump into a beautiful girl, I may think, ‘She's pretty,’ but there's not the same pull, the same electricity that I used to feel. Now the only way I can get that intense attraction is from porn. It makes me not trust my reactions to women, so I'm gun-shy. I used to feel better when I got more aroused by my imagination instead of looking at a computer screen.”

There are lots of couples like our first one out there.

I'm sure some are open to the possibility that porn may not be good for them or for their relationship. If you're one of them, please remember: there's heroin in that popcorn. (Ends).

Now, aside from all the above enumerated downsides to porn by the erudite Professor, though am not an expert in this field,  may I also add that porn affects our finances, our health, our time and our overall performance as individuals. May I also say here that easy access to porn is the major culprit to the increase in cases of rapes and child sexual abuses that we record in recent times. Sex explicit songs are not helping matters too!

My advice? "Protect with all diligence, that which you hold close to your heart"!

It's still me, your #LegallyBlunt DUDE! *winks*

PS: Wait first, what is our own opinion on this matter? What are your views as touching this issue? Do you think the two innocent souls should receive some kind of coaching  from porn stars and then trash them once they've gotten the requisite skills? Should they rely on their innate skills? Engage in trial and errors? Should they bank on the Holy Spirit of God to teach them all things?  I really want to hear from you please!