SEX AFFAIR part 2

"It is not how much we do but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give but how much love we put in the giving" -Mother Teresa

Ninety percent of marriages have failed a long time ago. Parties are just holding up because of one reason or the other. It is either because of the children of the marriage or because of what society will think and say about them, or simply because they are afraid to leave familiar ground.

The above raises a lot of questions. Why are marriages breaking down in the 21st century? What was it that held our parents glued together in their marriages? What are we not getting right? What were they doing that we  are not doing now?

A lot has gone wrong in this generation. The ancient landmark has been altered, things can no longer hold up together. As it is, the opening paragraph has raised a lot of issues as we can see in the second paragraph. I shall endeavor to state my opinions in all of the issues raised. But in order not to bore you with very lengthy discuss, this shall further be dissected into segments.

You see, sometimes, couples argue so much about sex that they wonder if it is really necessary for a happy marriage or if they should just learn to do without it.

So I ask, is sex really necessary for a happy marriage?

As men, we have different needs from the women. The man says he needs sex to feel close and the woman doesn't see why her snuggling, cuddling and stuff she does around the house doesn't do it for him. On the other hand, she says she needs to feel close first to have sex and he doesn't see why sex doesn't help her to feel close.

Both parties have the right to feel whatever they feel. By the way, the Bible in 1 Cor. 7:5 said your body as a man belongs to your wife and  the wife's body belongs to her husband. It’s a two-way thing. For any union to work,  each party must be willing and ready to shift ground. You must both meet at the middle.

Let me explain to you what I mean by meeting at the middle; let's say I got home from work, all charged up and ready for some sexual action, but getting home, my wife isn't in the mood for the real deal. As a Christian husband, I must accommodate her with her by putting myself in her shoes. In that situation, I must make do with what she has to offer, like snuggling, cuddling and kissing. Provided it doesn't become the trend. Gents, meeting at the middle implies that we don’t always have our way.

Meeting at the middle on the part of the wife implies that you must not always have what you want. The days of 'Daddy's little girl' is over. The MRS. title comes with responsibilities. Putting yourself in your husband's shoes will save you a lot of arguments and headaches. If you do not do your job as a woman, there are a thousand and one ladies out there who will be willing to do for your husband what you've refused to do and even go the extra mile. Before I forget, you'll be deceiving yourself to believe that you married a pastor, hence, there will be no likelihood for him being unfaithful. Do you need to make him that vulnerable?

The above notwithstanding, this is not a license for men to cheat on their wives. True masculinity isn't in the muscle mass, the biceps, triceps, six-pack and the overall strength. Real masculinity lies in self control and in your ability to earn the trust of your spouse. Real men don’t insist on sex when their spouses are not in the mood!

You can't achieve great sex in your marriage without a compromise. Compromise means meeting your spouse halfway. There are times when putting your needs and wants aside will be expected of you. That is an act of selflessness, and that is what love is about. As intimidating and compromising as this may sound, it is a basic necessity for a successful marriage and family. Please note this, compromising does not mean that one person  is right or wrong, neither does it mean that one person is weak while the other is strong. It only means that you and your spouse are meeting somewhere in the middle for the well-being of your marriage and family.

Sex is the only thing that sets you and your spouse apart from simply being roommates. It is a vital part of marriage; it is a deeper level of communication between the both of you. Great sex requires you to talk to each other about intimate, emotional things. For example, to have a truly intimate experience with your spouse, you need to tell your spouse where you want to be touched and how you'd love to be touched, and make requisitions for certain things. You really don’t have to be shy about it. It is your right. Come to think of it, 'if you will not get it elsewhere, you must get it right here!'

For this kind of communication to be possible between couples, it requires that you both feel a comfort level with each other. It requires you both to become very vulnerable, by asking, receiving and giving sexuality without inhibitions. It is advisable therefore that we marry our friends or take practical steps toward making our spouses our best friends.

This unique connection that spouses have creates vibrancy, passion and romance between the two of you, such that can't be created in any other way other than sexually. Believe it or not, SEX is a strong force in marriage, it is an intimate and connecting experience for both spouses. If good sex isn't happening, then the marriage isn't really a happy one.

Our wives must realize that sex is important to a man. Rationing out sex to him in the same way you give a dog a bone if it sits up or rolls over may have dire consequences. Sex is not a reward, but a joyous union of man and wife in which both partners can find intimacy and fulfillment. Remember, you are the only fountain in the house for him. Be sure you are flowing with creative, loving sensuality that is inviting and attractive to him. Sex is not a duty, or a reward; it is a part of your ministry to him and to yourself. Don’t allow your indifference toward sex to nullify your efforts to assist him in finding love at home.

*Materials for this article were sourced from Bishop T.D. JAKES' many Books.