WHEN GOD DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!

My elder sister Ijeoma is my best friend. We've been through a lot together. Though some years apart, we grew up like twins. Growing up, she was my guardian Angel and defender; I was a delicate child. During our university days, she was a mother away from home. We shared the same housing facility.

Ijey (as we fondly call her) got married after graduation, when she became pregnant, we were all overjoyed on the prospect of being uncles and grandmother. On the day of delivery, the doctors opted for Cesarean section  to save mother and child for Peniel has always been a big child.

Now, Peniel was weaned and we were expecting another addition to the family. Before Ijey took-in, I had a revelation, and in a telephone conversation, I communicated the  message to her. God revealed to me that she was going to give birth to a healthy cute-looking baby boy and that her pregnancy (gestation period) was going to be smooth and that she was going to have a safe and self-delivery. She was excited about the news.

Few months later,  my sister informed me that she was expecting. We were excited. We prayed and regularly lifted the pregnancy to God. Everything was going on very fine. But then suddenly without notice and warning, her water broke, she was entering the seventh month in the pregnancy. She had to be rushed to the theater immediately. The telephone call that came bearing the news brought to an abrupt end, a date I was having that fateful day. The operation was successful, the premature baby was placed in the incubator. After fighting to stay  alive for ten days, the baby went to be with the Lord. It was a BABY BOY!

Words cannot possibly and perfectly describe how I felt. I grieved more than everyone else, maybe not more than the mother of the dead child; my sister. My pain knew no bound. I was angry with God. I felt disappointed. I couldn't contain my emotions. I was angry for several reasons; the pain and anguish my sister had to go through, the sleepless nights, the pain and discomfort of the surgeon's knife with nothing to show for it. I also was angry, seeing the defenseless pure soul battle and fight for his life and I couldn't help. Sometimes, I wonder if he often reached-out to me for help with his tiny hands out-stretched and those tiny helpless cries hunting me even in my dreams. And there I was clueless, leaving the fate of that precious life in the hands of Doctors and medics that I feel are so incompetent. The supposed big uncle who's meant to be his nephew's hero was such a wimp. I considered going to study medicine and majoring in pediatrics after that incident.  I felt useless, helpless and above all, I felt like a false prophet. Recall I was the mouthpiece, the messenger that was sent to deliver the good tiding that never materialized.

What did I do? I charged back at God. What a fool I was. But I was angry, bitter and in pain. I asked God why He would put me in such a position. My friends, I tell you, it’s a very bad place to be. In such situations, you'll be forced to question all the things you've ever believed and stood for. But that is often where we all miss it. We often draw conclusions from just one thing that went wrong. How about that many times He's used me in very great dimensions in times past? With a broken heart, I quizzed God. I asked why He'll make promises He knew He wasn't going to watch to fulfill? I made statements like "I did not ask you to send me on such errand. I did not ask to play the role of a prophet". In fact, some of my emotional outbursts are better left unsaid.

In all these outbursts and  deep emotional display, God in His usual manner and style, in love and tenderness He whispered these words to my spirit:  "child, there are times when I don’t make sense".  I was dazed and further confused, I pressed further and I said Lord, I don’t understand. You are God, how will you not make sense? The Lord replied: "I will not make sense when you try to understand and explain me with your frail and limited human understanding". It then made sense.

You see, often time, minor obstructions save us from major destruction. I started putting one and two together and it made some sense. For example, my in-law, being a business man, travels a lot. He was billed to travel a day before that incidence happened and it automatically cancelled his travel plans. Who knows, it might be that this had to happen to prevent a worse tragedy. It is better for a woman to have lost a child than become a widow at a very young age. That is just my thinking, though I might be wrong. Am not trying to say that this is a valid explanation to what happened, I might be mistaken or just looking for a way to soothe the pain we went through as a family.

We all have issues, we all have been in situations when we feel God isn't there or that He really don’t care, for if He does care, why do we go through all the pains we experience in life. Am here to tell you that God is involved in our every life experiences. He is the central figure throughout history. He has never left us alone and never will.

In all, I hope this little story encourages someone. It doesn't matter what you are presently going through, there is still hope. The sun will shine after the rain, there's always light at the end of the tunnel and  behind every cloud, there's always a silver lining. That situation will not see your end, it will soon be a testimony if you stay strong. Ijey just gave birth to baby Chizaram (God answered me) on the 30th day of  July, 2014.

Don’t you dare give up on God, He sometimes may be four days late, but He's still going to be on time. Even when you feel that He doesn't make sense, still hold fast on Him for He remains the sense in all the nonsense in life.